Tricotomania and more

Hey! sorry it’s been so long since I posted anything. Working on growing the business is taking a lot of brain space and time.

One thing I have done is sort-of established a yoga practice. I really like that DVD I bought — Paul Grilley’s Yin Yoga. (I got it from Havi at the Fluent Self and she provides some e-books to go with it and help you actually do it.) I love that it has lots of theory so I can understand why I’m doing what I’m doing (and figure out how to do it even though I’m never going to look like the super-bendy folks on the DVD). And I love that he talks about options in most of the poses.

So I’ve been trying that. Mostly the Infant Series. (He has 3 yin series on the DVD, and this is the least yin; which doesn’t make any sense if you haven’t watched the theory DVD.) I do it in the morning. And this series is kind of a good mix of “I know you aren’t really awake yet.” and actually doing things that will make you more awake by the end of it.

But, it’s 63 minutes. Kind of long. I have a sort-of intention to start getting up earlier so I have time to do that in the morning but given that it’s only a sort-of intention, I’m not actually doing anything about that other than actually getting up and doing yoga if I get up at 7 to pee instead of going back to bed.

So, on the days when I don’t get up until almost 8, I need something else. And one of my online buddies mentioned (in a reply to someone else’s question) that she finds Sun Salutations a great way to start the day. She even provided this cool link to funky orange stick figures doing them.  I printed them out and then used some tape and scissors to get that table of diagrams altogether and then copied it onto a single page. Which I put in the living room.

On days when I don’t have an hour, I do a few Sun Salutations instead. 10 minutes. 20 minutes. Whatever. Start slow, because I’m not really awake. And wake up as I go. I can’t touch the floor in those “head on knees” poses (Ha ha! my head is nowhere NEAR my knees) on the first few go rounds but later on I can. And it takes me two moves to get my foot forward from downward dog to that lunge (I just grab it with my hand and pull it into the right position; gently, of course). And I speed right through stick most of the time because my abs aren’t that strong (are anyone’s?).

And I try to focus on where I am feeling it and deepening the stretch and all that good stuff. And breathing deeply in a mindful way.

It seems to be working. The cat thinks I’m a bit nuts but who is she? Mostly I think she’s just mad because this increases the time between me getting up and me finishing my breakfast. I let her lick the yogurt out of my bowl when I’m done. She’s an addict. I think yogurt is an important part of her “I need to be fat to keep warm in the winter” plan. (Yes, she loses it all in May and June.)

Now, if I could get back to some sort of regular posting on this blog, you all might be happier. I’ll give it a shot.

We went to the theatre last weekend. Since drama is one of Tigger’s interest areas, I decided at the beginning of the school year (such as it is) that we should go to the theatre more often. This is not as easy as it sounds when you are taking an 11 year old. Most of the “family” theatre is aimed at much younger children. But the regular program is not always interesting or appropriate for someone her age. Thus I didn’t by a subscription but picked a couple that looked interesting.

One of these was Ann-Marie MacDonald’s Belle Moral: A Natural History. Mat decided to go to a workshop on Orchard and Small Fruit Production and Marketting that day, so I also took one of her friends (who is 13 and also into drama). The girls both loved it.

This is not light entertainment. There is a lot going on. I was thinking that it was a good thing we’ve been studying 19th century British history because a lot of that knowledge came in handy. I also had to explain a few things about Oscar Wilde, and late 19th century ideas about mental illness and physical features. I suspect that most 11-13 year olds would not be as thrilled as these to young intellectuals were.

But all of you interested in Darwin, the history of scientific thought, and the relative importance of art and science in guiding moral behaviour will love it. Lots of food for thought. And what I thought was an interesting ending, verging on the post-modern.

Belle Moral is also funny. As MacDonald says in the author’s note in the program

I’m essentially a comedian. Which is to say, an informed, jaded, jaundiced, optimist. There may be unhappy endings to stories, but all stories are happy, because as long as there are stories, there is hope.

And lots of references to other work for those who have read a lot and can get them. I would love someone to relieve me of my frustration at placing the reference to the madwoman in the attic, for example. And I’m sure I missed loads. I’ve had a quick skim of the Study Guide (PDF) and it looks like it provides a lot of relevant background.

There is so much going on in this play that I think it is one that will stand the test of time. It deals with big important themes. And it bears repeated viewings. I am seriously contemplating buying a copy of the script.

This run ends on Saturday. It has had 2 runs at the Shaw Festival in Niagara-on-the-Lake (2005, 2008). Hopefully, it will come around again there. If you ever see it somewhere near you, I would recommend attending.

I’ve been busy. I’ve been planning and writing and learning. This whole growing your business thing takes time and effort. It’s fun. But I’m working harder than I have been for a while.

And Tigger is not upset. She is mostly getting on with things. And reading a lot.

At the end of the Christmas holiday we had some conversations about what she wanted to be learning and what skills she wanted to develop and came up with a routine for her. She has 5 things she needs to do most days: piano, violin, art, writing, math. All of it is in the spirit of music practice. You need to do some every day to get better. Some of it is exercises to develop new techniques. Some of it is pieces. Some of it is just repetition to improve the execution. We are going to add in some music theory using a workbook we bought a little while ago because I think it will help her with where she is going.

She also has homework for some of the outside the house stuff she does: science, Spanish, her writing group, drama. I know it looks like writing is on both lists but the second list is just a reminder that there is some specific writing she needs to do every week.  She has so many stories on the go that she could write for an hour a day and still not have done the writing she is sharing with her writing group.

We are reading A Tale of Two Cities together. That isn’t happening every day but I’m trying to remember to do it a few times a week.

And we talk. She has started asking me  how things are going when we are in the car or before bed. It feels like some weird reversal but I’m letting that feeling go and responding genuinely. And I think that is leading to her responding better to those kinds of questions. She is very resistant to things she thinks are manipulating her to do things. But if I am learning, too. Or if I’ve been busy and she wonders how things are going… Much better.

So Mom of Monkeys’ questions about unschooling the other day really spoke to me.  I realized that the “problem” with unschooling for so many of us is not about whether the kids will learn. It isn’t about what the kids will do at all. It is about what we will do.

If I’m busy working on my business all day, aren’t I neglecting my duties as a mom and a teacher? Shouldn’t this homeschooling thing take up a lot of time in my day?  Doesn’t my kid want to be the centre of attention? And won’t she resent me doing something else that isn’t really about her at all?

I didn’t homeschool when she was little. And my kid is not normal (is anyone’s?). But the particular 11 year old that lives in this hous doesn’t seem to mind at all. She gets on with stuff. She needs reminding sometimes. And she does that “do I have to” look. She is 11. But she knows that the list is a list of things she wants to do. (Yes, even the math.) And she recognizes that she is happier with a bit of a routine, loose as it is. And she still gets lots of time to devour books (good books AND trashy books).

And I think there might be something there about not wanting the weight of having to occupy me. She has always been very independent. So she doesn’t want me sitting with her for a lot of this stuff. She doesn’t want anyone listening to and commenting on her music practice unless she asks. I did a lot of work to set up the art practice, but then she can get on with it on her own. I found the math books that she is using, but she is working through them on her own.

Occasionally, I ask to see what she has been doing. She is a little bit resistant to showing me, but usually lets me go through the math book or the art binder. I haven’t seen any of her writing unless she puts it on her blog. She does share the one story with her writing group and gets comments from others (and the leader, who is a published children’s author). And I can hear the music.

But then I don’t show her the draft blog posts and e-books that I’m working on all day, either. And she only has the vaguest idea of what I’m learning right now (about business).

We talk to each other about what we are working on, in the way you might talk to a friend. I explain some of what I’m doing. She is interested. But beyond a certain level of detail, she isn’t that interested any more. She doesn’t need to know about Search Engine Optimization, for example. (I’m not sure I do, either, but I needed to learn a bit about it to figure that out.)

And that’s the thing. As a homeschooling parent, I need to know that she is learning. And I need to know some broad strokes about what that is. But I don’t need to know all the details about what she is learning. She isn’t me. I know people will ask me, and think me a horrible mother if I don’t know. But it isn’t really about me. I don’t have control over what she learns no matter how much other people would like me to.

And at the end of the day, it is she who will have to demonstrate she has the skills and knowledge that she needs for whatever particular purpose she needs to demonstrate them. And my job is to help her do that.

Right now, my job is to help her identify what she wants to learn, what she wants to get better at, what she skills she needs. And my job is to help her figure out what regular activities will contribute to that learning. And as we move forward, my job will be to help her work out what she needs to demonstrate to others for different purposes and how she can do that.

I don’t need to spend a lot of time on that. And my example, of learning and of earning a living using my skills, is worthwhile, too.

The problem with unschooling is that it requires mothers to go against the dominant cultural script. We do not have to be selfless and self-sacrificing in the name of our children. We need to be ourselves, in relationship with our children.